Why do American women love guys in board shorts and hate guys in Speedos?

Historically, the beach is a place where sexuality has been expressed. It is a natural reaction to wearing next to nothing. Disco Valante has noticed a very telling trend on this thread. American women hate the overt sexuality of men in Speedos. But why? Are American women threated by a man’s sexual presence? Are they envious?

In America, women are the beacons of beauty and sexuality. Meanwhile, men are quickly branded as gay or weak if they appear too beautiful.

Quick Story to illustrate this point:
All military pilots have call signs, like “Maverick” in TOP GUN. My Naval Academy classmate Christian, who is a Navy pilot, is probably one of the most handsome men I have ever seen. His call sign is BROKE BACK. I asked the other pilots, “Why is Christian’s call sign BROKE BACK?”. Their reply was, “A man that good looking has to be gay.”.

American beaches are the place where the female form is the center of attention. Beautiful woman with smooth curves wearing skimpy two pieces swim suits can be the inspiration of hit TV shows…BAYWATCH. However, does a man of equal physical beauty wearing a Speedo threaten a woman’s turf?

This girl commented to me once, “I don’t go out with overly attractive or well dressed men because I want to be the center of attention when we go out.”. I’m not saying she speaks for all women but could this be a glimpse into the female mind?

Or is American just a nation of sexually prudish individuals? One could easily make this assumption based on our beach attire, our view of prostitution, and attitude toward the GBLT community.

Ladies tell us if my assumptions are way off point. Fellas, why do you think women hate men wearing Speedos?

Is your beach bag packed properly?

Beach season is here! I know lots of you are tanning and splashing around in the hot summer sun. Disco Valante is going to give you some tips on what to bring to a fashionable day at the beach.

Sunglasses – It’s a staple at the beach. They not only protect our eyes from UV rays and make sun tanning less horrid on the eyes, but also make you look so damned good! First off, your sunglasses should compliment your face. Square faces look good with more cubic looking frames while round faces are complimented by rounded shades. However, every one looks good in a pair of aviators. Beach glasses should be fun and less conservative then your typical day sunglasses.

Swim suits – It’s the battle between Speedos versus board shorts! In places outside of the United States, it is normal to wear Speedos. I remember my friends, in Naples, laughing at me once when I wore board shorts to the beach. They thought I was wearing regular pants. The beach is a place for sexuality to be exposed.

In America, the idea of the “banana hammock” creeps out a lot of guys. Speedos should compliment your skin. If you’re naturally tanned, go for bright colors like blue and yellow. However, black Speedos are classic! For board shorts don’t make them too long. You want to show off some skin after all.

Flip flops – Walking on hot sand is not funny. It hurts like Hell! So proper flip flops are essential. I have two pairs: Havanas with their extra gummy feeling, and a pair of bamboo slippers. The bamboo slippers look great for when I head out to a beach snack shack with some friends.

Beach towel – And no, not the ones you dry yourself with but the one you lay on. No patterns of Goofy or Budweiser; save those for tourists. Opt instead for plain colors or even my personal favorite, the bamboo print!

Beach bag – You need a bag to hide your wallet, keys, food, books, condoms and lube! I always bring a backpack or tote bag. They’re sporty and easy to carry! Keep your wallet and keys in a plastic zip lock bag to avoid getting it dirty or wet.

Beach shirts – The rules are the same as with swimsuits – Get colors that go with your skin tone. Wear what you like as long as it’s short sleeved and goes well with your swimsuit.

Did I miss anything?